I know “hate” is a pretty strong word, but sometimes it’s how we feel – even if it’s just for a fleeting moment. Something your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law says or does just makes your blood boil or sends you reeling to a place you don’t want to go, but you go there anyway…and it happens over and over again. And so you find yourself “hating” her.
The interesting thing about emotion is, as with all of life, emotions are about balance. You cannot feel hate if you’ve never felt love. You have to understand one to understand the other. Both are powerful emotions, right? Intense, passionate, influential. Many people want to believe that hate is the opposite of love, but it isn’t really. Indifference is. Hate and love are about feeling something. Indifference is about feeling nothing.
To hate someone, even if it’s for a fleeting moment, means that person matters enough to you to feel something – love or hate – you feel something. And so if you feel hatred toward your in-law, then they matter enough to feel something. Ugh! This is probably not what you want to hear, right? The last thing you want someone to tell you is that your in-law matters to you…you don’t want them to matter to you.
I definitely don’t want you to get stuck there and feel hopeless, angry, or even helpless that your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law matters to you…Oh wait…wait a minute – isn’t this how you feel when it comes to your in-law in general – hopeless, angry, helpless? Well, believe me you don’t have to feel this way, really. Since you feel something, why don’t we shift this away from the hate and closer to love…or maybe like. You can do it! Moving away from your sense of helplessness and hopelessness with your in-law can happen once you break the stalemate with them. It’s this stalemate that keeps you where you are because you don’t believe – in your heart of hearts – that things can be different between you.
I’ve given you the steps to the Listening & Learning Skill in previous blog posts, but I know that having the steps isn’t always enough to clearly understanding how to apply them. So I highly recommend if you want to truly “get” it and finally make those changes in your relationship once and for all…Get the Listening & Learning for MILs download or the Listening & Learning for DILs download to show you exactly how to break that stalemate and move away from those angry, resentful feelings that end up hurting you more than her.