All Things In-Law...

Dr. Deanna Brann's Blog

2013 is ending soon and for some of you it can’t happen soon enough, particularly when you have mother-in-law or daughter-in-law issues. This is a great time to reflect on your in-law relationship – what positive things happened and what negative things happened that you could focus on changing? I know, some of you will say, “Nothing positive happened!” And this may be true. But sometimes the positive is so small we don’t even think of it as anything. Sometimes we don’t even recognize it because it was that small.

So take some time in the next few days to find something positive that happened with your in-law – something positive in relation to you. Look hard and fast until you find at least one thing. Once you find it think about it…focus on it. How can you build on it?

Remember, I’ve mentioned many times that you can always go back to a situation and revisit it with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. All you have to do is say something like, “You know, I’ve been thinking about ________________ (fill in the blank) and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate __________________,” or “I thought about what you said when you said _____________________ and I wanted you to know _______________.” Then all you have to do is move the conversation along. This is a great lead in to revisiting whatever it is you want to revisit.

But let’s say your in-law said or did something that really hurt you. What do you do then?

Take a look at what happened –

  • What did she say or do specifically that hurt you? Allow yourself the chance to really understand what happened – how it hurt you, why it hurt you, and how (in what way) exactly are you hurt.

Find a way to move through it so you can resolve the pain –

  • Ask yourself what do you need to help you get through the hurt? What can you do? What do you need from her?

Be proactive –

  • Instead of staying in the pain. Instead of staying stuck where you are, ask yourself what you can actively do to take this a step further. What tools do you need to help you empower yourself?

Empowerment opens doors for you that you never knew were possible. It truly is a life-changer. There are many tools available out there that will help you empower yourself. Whether you use my material (L&L and Getting Unstuck for MILs, L&L for DILs. (I will have the Getting Unstuck for DILs within this next week.) or you use another person’s material, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you find a way to empower yourself.

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